The past 2-3 weeks have seemed to lead me on a writing hiatus, and instead, i’ve experienced an intense load of digestion of my own experiences. First, I’ve kind of plateaued within an area of eating disorder recovery that has been pretty manageable, although now, I am in search of the full healing experience and unraveling anything holding me in the interim. Having already expanded this far, who says I can’t fight through it all?
I have had some pretty synchronistic mind-blowing unravellings and release lately. Part of writing about my experience is not only to organize and close emotional files within my own self, but to share as much of the journey for anyone else in search of the light, the answer, and the healing.
So first up, Iet's talk about highly sensitive people and what it means to be an empath. If you’ve gathered any knowledge from the eating disorder recovery world, then you might understand that a pretty common trait of people whom experience this disorder are known to be highly sensitive—more so than the average person. In the energetic world these people are known as empaths, for their ability to feel and empathize is extremely heightened.
I had an energy healing session last week with an intuitive healer (not anyone I’ve mentioned previously) whom also confessed to me her past struggles with bulimia—for being sensitive means feeling how people view and judge you, feeling whether you belong, and not knowing how you might feel any second of the day, because whoever you walk by at the grocery might be having their own emotional crisis that you have now picked up and internalized as your own.
Have you ever wondered why you can’t seem to have any control over your emotions, or one second you’re jumping with joy, and the next wanting to crawl in a ball and hide from the world? Have you ever wondered why you can’t focus, have been called ADHD, or maybe even bipolar, because it seems as though your emotions are all over the place.
I am not saying these diagnoses don’t exist, for that’s a whole other topic to dive into, but that you may be a highly sensitive being, who number one, is a “champion noticer” (as my energy healer calls it) and can’t help but notice everything around you intensely. The problem with this ability (or what I like to call gift) is that the amount of information we are sensing on the daily leaves one feeling overloaded, confused, and burdened by all the many different feelings.
I can’t tell you how many times I have been lost in my own head trying to understand everything I am perceiving, for it all comes mixed with other people’s emotions and my own, and I’m left trying to digest it all.
So, when you think of our mouths and the energy of the stomach, it is directly related to digesting energy. We even learn this as babies when sucking on pacifiers or our thumbs to calm us down. When you are feeling confused, overwhelmed, and unable to digest all the energy that you are feeling, it makes sense that the chewing and digestion of food through bulimic behaviors may help soothe some of this immense energy.
Some better options include repetitive movements that keep the energy flowing, such as running or walking, for it allows your brain to not have to think but still releases or digests some of the energy. The whole purpose behind my eating disorder has ultimately been, to not feel, and I am starting to understand the overwhelming pattern of picking up energy/feelings of others around me that trigger behaviors with the attempt to cleanse or digest myself from excess, unwanted, or unsettling energy.
Simply learning better language to describe the energy or intuitive feelings I may feel from another person is also helping me to digest some of the energy better—for it keeps my mind from being overloaded, prevents eating disorder behaviors, and helps me to express and communicate with others better. I think when someone is highly sensitive, the things they may feel do not always make sense or have a specific language that is easily described. As I continue through life and therapy it is fun to kind of define the many different dynamics and sensitivities in my life so I can close emotional files, have a better sense of grounding, and maybe help others through my own revelations.
With that all being said, here are four bulimic triggers that my energetic healing team and I have come to conclude, in the event they may be helpful for someone with similar struggles.
When I feel people judging me.
When I feel I am not included
When I feel ‘a feeling’ I feel like I don’t deserve to feel.
Relationships—whether something is unhealthy, we’re not in alignment, I like someone, they don’t like me, and etc. There are all kinds of things included in this number, because relationships are all about emotion. As an empath communication is dire, because (1) we’re already feeling everything intensely and (2) you mix our feelings in the equation and we can all of a sudden overthink reality into something it is not. So, if you are not able to adequately communicate in a relationship, you may end up causing yourself more suffering than worth it. Don’t put yourself through hell, there are plenty of people willing and wanting to communicate with you openly, honestly, and consistently. As an empath you need and deserve this. Not to mention, you’ll be so in tune with your partner that you’ll telepathically know what they always want/need. You’re usually a natural healer, but remember nobody heals when we try to rescue them.🖖
So that brings me to my last thought. What’s the point of even being sensitive if it comes with so much discomfort? Why can’t you just be numb or simple and ordinary? Well my friend...you signed up for a pretty-cool-little-purpose. You come with great abilities to guide people, to facilitate healing, to point out patterns, to raise awareness, and to ultimately provide loving service in the physical realm.
You simply do this by being you, and by being exactly who it is you are, and by clearing out all of the things that may be blocking your light. And by spreading your light, the world knows more light. And it is through this that you can always remember that your ‘light works and your light matters’ and that... is why we call you a “lightworker.” 💡